God's Way Is Best

Having a plan in mind and thinking you know exactly how things are going to work out is a sure fire way to have everything change to something completely opposite of your thinking. I know because this happened to me within this past year.

My plan was to finish high-school, get married, start a family, and possibly be a missionary to Ireland. I was not going to go to college, and I was never going to clean for anyone other than myself. God saw that and must have laughed right out loud. I am now in college and cleaning three different people’s houses. I am not getting married anytime soon, and although I still have a desire to be a missionary I don’t know that it will be in Ireland.

Accepting these changes in my life has been very difficult. I have never been good with change, and when things got askew from the original plan, I panic. I hate that things are different. We had a perfectly good plan going, why do things have to change? I am learning that sometimes change is good. And that it is for my benefit. While I am in college, I am growing up, learning new things, and being exposed to things and situations that I didn’t have to deal with before.

I say I want to be missionary in foreign country, but if I can’t deal with people who are different than me than how am I going to reach anybody? I have come into contact with people who have similar views as myself, and others who are completely opposite. But I have learned to treat all people with the same respect and love. I can’t reach anyone if I stiff arm some and extend a hand to others. People can see right through that, and that’s not being real.

Having my plans changed wasn’t easy, and it still isn’t, but I am learning to accept this as God’s will for my life right now. My desires haven’t changed, but the route to get there has. I have learned that sometimes my plans for my life don’t match up with God’s plans for my life. But I have also learned that every time His plans are always better than mine. He knows what’s best for me, and He knows what I really need. Trusting Him to take care of me isn’t easy, but I know that in the end it will be worth it. He can meet my needs and desires in ways more wonderful than I can imagine.  

Learning To Trust

Trusting people has never been easy for me. I want to know that I can trust those around me but I don’t because of people from my past. I have had friends tell me that I can trust them, so I do. And then the next thing I know they are telling someone else about what I told them in secret. They apologize when I confront them and tell me that I really can trust them. I try again, because I want to think that I truly can trust them, and the same thing happens again. Thus diminishing my trust in people.

A small Bible study group that I am in just went over trust. We talked about how difficult it was to trust people now because of people from our pasts. Some things we all had in common were, we had been hurt, we didn’t know who we could trust, but we all wanted to trust someone. Feeling like you either don’t have anyone to trust or you just don’t know who to trust is a horrible feeling. I have felt like I can’t trust anyone for way too long. Something my dad tells me all the time rings in my ears, “Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there again just because you’ve been hurt a couple times. You never know who needs you.” That statement is so true. It is something I struggle with, but also something I am trying to work on.

I want people to know that they can trust me, and I feel like for people to know they can trust me they have to see the real me. They have to know who I really am. I don’t like people seeing me as weak or unable to do something. I try to put on a front that says, “I can do anything, I am good on my own.” But that isn’t always true. I am working on being transparent so people can know that I am real and not just a show.

Becoming the ‘real thing’ helps me see others who are real and those who are not. Because I have worn a front for a long time I know what one looks like. Being able to look around and see people who are genuine and who are striving for the same things I am makes it easier to trust them. I know when someone truly cares about me and when someone is just in it for whatever they can get, and they generally don’t get anything anyway.

Learning to trust people is something that is going to take time to do. But knowing I have people I can rely on will make the job so much easier. I don’t think I will find a bosom buddy instantly but over time I can develop friendships built on trust that will last a long time.